Heads, Hearts, and Hand-to-Hand
by Barddoc1992
Summary: Set during ME2. An immediate follow up to "Questions and Consequences." Garrus realizes something has gone wrong with the relationship developing between his two friends, and he decides to help. Clear pointing to a Thane/FemShep pairing, though they aren't there yet. Very mild swearing.


**Standard Disclaimer: Everything Mass Effect is owned by BioWare, and I receive no financial benefit from this fanfiction. **

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Garrus stood on the crew deck next to the elevator, wondering where he should go first. The button for the top level would take him to Shepard's cabin. If he ignored the elevator, a few short steps would take him down the hallway to Thane in life support. He needed to talk to at least one of his colleagues, perhaps both. In the four days since the "datapad" incident in the commander's quarters, Garrus realized that something had gone wrong with the relationship developing between Shepard and Thane. The former C-Sec agent had a sneaking suspicion he was partly at fault.

_Asking Thane to take that order form up to Shepard in my place was unfair, _Garrus thought to himself, _but I had no way of knowing that she would be wearing shorts. And that she would be trapped while bent over the couch that way. And that Thane would…respond._

Thane's response was the problem, as far as Garrus could tell. As close as the assassin and the commander had become, evidence of his physical attraction to Shepard had apparently surprised the philosophical drell. Garrus flexed his mandibles in the turian version of a grin as he wondered how two such intelligent, observant beings could completely miss their mutual fascination with each other.

But something about Thane's reaction to Shepard had caused him to retreat back into the seclusion he had practiced right after his recruitment. He rarely left his quarters in life support, avoided all the team members except for briefings, and took his meals at odd times when the mess was empty. According to Shepard, he had even turned her away when she stopped by for one of their late-night conversations, giving her a blank, "Perhaps another time; I wish to consider what we have already discussed."

Though Shepard had simply shrugged when sharing this behavior with Garrus, he knew his old friend was hurt. The weight of her responsibilities had seemed easier for her to carry these past few weeks since Thane had joined the team, and she had smiled and laughed more. Now she had to make an effort to seem relaxed with the crew and the squad, to act like nothing had changed, and Garrus was worried about her.

Waking up in a Cerberus lab and learning she had lost two years of her life had really shaken her. She had asked him over and over to quiz her on things only she and he would know, stuff that Cerberus wouldn't have been able to program into a clone or AI. Then just when she was settling down, Kaidan put her through that garbage on Horizon and then again in his so-called apology letter. The blind idiot even implied she was a traitor!

Shepard didn't need to experience that kind of upheaval or rejection again. Not when Garrus knew how hard she had fought to find her way back after Miranda revived her. Or how Thane was already more vital to her well-being than Kaidan had ever been. Not when he could possibly do something about it. Mind made up, he took those few steps down the hall and walked into life support.

"I am meditating at present," Thane stated with no inflection. He didn't turn his head or give any indication that he cared who had entered.

"You've been meditating a lot lately, Krios," Garrus responded. "Remember when you took down that krogan battlemaster using only hand-to-hand a few missions back? You said then that you would do some sparring with me and help me brush up on that part of my military training."

The assassin finally turned to stare intently at his visitor. "The Normandy arrives at Haestrom to pick up your quarian friend within a few days. I am sure Shepard will want your help on the mission. Does sparring with me at this time seem wise?"

There was still no trace of emotion or personality in Thane's voice or on his face, but Garrus recognized the snarl in the drell's lowest register, the one most other species couldn't hear. It was a "don't challenge me right now" kind of growl. So, Garrus realized with relief, Thane was as upset as Shepard by the change in their relationship. He decided to ignore the implied threat from the galaxy's most skilled assassin. He was pretty sure Thane wouldn't really hurt him. Not too badly, anyway.

"Come on, Krios. Except for some resource mining, no one has been off this ship for days," Garrus protested. "Spirits, my conditioning is just fading away. Help me out here."

Thane continued his steady gaze for another few moments before closing his eyes with a sigh. When he opened them, Garrus thought he saw a small smile forming. "Fine. Meet me downstairs in 10 minutes. But you are not permitted to complain even once, in any way, about anything."

With a nod Garrus left life support, hoping Shepard would appreciate his sacrifice if Thane did kill him. After a quick change into workout clothes, he used his omnitool to send a message to his commander: "We both need some exercise. Sparring area in an hour?" He breathed a sigh of relief when Shepard pinged back with a simple, "Sounds good. See you then."

When Garrus arrived in the shuttle bay's make-shift gym, Thane was already there. The drell had changed into loose pants and a long-sleeve t-shirt and was stretching on the large exercise mat. The music he had chosen sounded familiar, but Garrus couldn't place it.

"I heard it in Shepard's quarters," Thane admitted in response to the turian's quizzical look. "EDI told me the style is called jazz, and this is the Dave Brubeck Quartet playing 'Take Five.' The commander keeps her music collection in open share status on the Normandy's network."

Garrus responded with a smirk, "It's certainly a big improvement over the noise Shepard prefers when she exercises down here. I didn't think she had anything in common with Jack until I heard that so-called 'music' they both like. Sounds like screeching and screaming to me."

"You should stretch," was Thane's only comment, though Garrus thought the drell sounded amused.

"Speaking of Jack," Garrus casually stated as he warmed up, "you should have seen her when Shepard first got her off of that prison ship. She was much more hostile and confrontational than she is now, if you can imagine. Unable to trust anyone near her or even tolerate attempts at casual conversation. She kept completely to herself in that storage space under engineering. Cerberus really messed up that kid."

"I noticed," Thane wryly acknowledged. "When you introduced us, I found her quite…interesting. Her vocabulary was meant to help educate me on human culture, I'm sure."

"But Shepard is working her magic," Garrus continued. "I don't know how she did it, how she kept that convict from killing her with an overcharged biotic blast when she intruded on Jack's personal space. But now our 'psychotic biotic' generally eats with the team, works in concert with squad members on missions, even occasionally smiles. And she does it all for Shepard, though I'm not sure either of them realizes that. She still has the worst mouth I've ever heard. And I don't think she and Miranda can be left alone in the same room without one of them ending up dead. But the overall change is remarkable."

Thane's subharmonics pulsed an inquiry along the lines of, "Do you have a point?"

Garrus shot a piercing look at his friend. "How do you think Shepard would feel if Jack suddenly backslid on all this progress? If the young woman she thinks of as a little sister just shut down and retreated from her?"

Thane appeared disturbed for a brief moment before wiping all expression from his face. "Are all turians this lacking in subtlety?" he asked in response.

"So I'm not subtle," Garrus admitted. "That doesn't mean I'm wrong." He walked to the center of the mat.

Thane joined him and took up a defensive sparring posture. "Shepard does not think of me as a little sister, so your analogy fails."

"You're right. You're more important to her than that." At Thane's visible jolt of surprise, Garrus tried to take him down with a quick leg sweep, which the assassin easily avoided despite his momentary distraction.

"I hope you have better efforts to offer, Garrus," Thane lightly mocked, "or even my talents might not be enough to improve your skills."

The two continued sparring for about 10 minutes until Thane called a halt. After Garrus caught his breath, the session restarted with more teaching and practicing than actual sparring.

At the end of another 20 minutes, Garrus failed yet again to avoid Thane's hold. "Alright, I give, I give, you slippery bastard. Let's take a quick break and grab some water."

After the two males sat down with their water tubes, backs against a bulkhead, the assassin asked the former vigilante, "Why am I really down here?"

"Well, I obviously need to brush up on my unarmed combat," Garrus began. "I used to be damn good while I was in the military, before I started focusing more on my marksmanship. And as much as I hate to admit it, you are the best hand-to-hand specialist I will likely ever have a chance to work with." He paused before concluding, "I also thought you might need to talk."

Fiddling with his water tube, an unusual sign of agitation for him, Thane asked quietly, "What do you think I need to discuss?"

"How about, why you are pulling this disappearing act?" Garrus abruptly launched into interrogation mode, with some heat edging into his own subharmonic register. "How about, why are you hurting Shepard like this?"

Thane set down the water tube and gazed at the upset turian for a minute. "I know your friendship with Shepard is very close. You care about her a great deal. Believe me when I say I am trying to spare her pain, not cause it."

He dropped his eyes to his hands before continuing, "As much as I might now wish to, I cannot change the future I face. If my friendship with her continues to deepen, if it develops into something…more, my death will hurt her. And Shepard has already faced enough personal loss."

Garrus took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "I wondered if that was part of it. Look, I haven't mentioned this to you yet. Shepard is the only one onboard who knows. But my mother is dying. She has a degenerative condition that affects her brain functions. She is at a point now where some days are fine while others are…hard. Twice I managed to get a real-time video connection to home only to have her refuse to speak to me, because on her bad days she forgets that she has a family, that she has a son." He glanced at Thane, ready to reject pity but seeing only understanding.

"I thought about retreating, about stopping my attempts to speak with her. I even discussed it with my sister Solana," he continued. "Sol, however, actually had some good advice for her big brother. She asked if the pain caused by the bad days meant more to me than the pleasure of the good days and talking to the mother we remember and love."

He paused for a long moment. "My mother is heading into her final days; I'm not sure if she will still be around by the time this ship goes through that Omega 4 relay. If these video calls are my only chance to be with her before the end—hers or mine—then I want as many good memories as I can collect, despite the possible pain."

Garrus waited until his friend turned his head and made eye contact before concluding, "I'm pretty sure you already know this, Thane, but maybe you need to be reminded. When death takes away someone we care about, the good memories don't make the pain worse. They are what make the pain bearable."

Thane dipped his head in response. "I will…consider what you have said," he promised.

"Good, because there's more," Garrus replied with satisfaction. "You give something to Shepard that no one else has been able to do for a long time. With the rest of us, she has to hold back that brainpower of hers. She always has to think about communicating in ways that won't go over the heads of the team and the crew. But with you…with you, she can set that part of herself free. I don't think you realize what a gift that is to her. How much you already contribute to her welfare."

Thane didn't reply immediately. When he did speak, his hesitation was clear to Garrus. "You know I believe that my life follows a trajectory set in motion by the drell gods I worship. When I met the commander, I…I felt such certainty that Arashu had crossed my path with hers for a reason. At first I thought it was for the honorable death this mission offered. Then…then I realized that what I feel for Shepard goes beyond loyalty. Beyond friendship. But why would Arashu bring me to this point when I have so little time left? Less than a year. If Shepard is my close friend, my loss will add yet another burden to the grief she already carries. If she…if we…become more, then the pain I will bring her will be cruel. Because it can be prevented."

"But you are forgetting some important truths," Garrus countered. "One is that Shepard is her own person, with her own definite take on things. You don't know—even I don't know—exactly where she is in all this to begin with. She might never see you as more than a friend. She might already be head over heels. But either way, you can't control that part of the equation, no matter what action you take now. And two is about Arashu. If you trust that the goddess helps set your path, that she brought you to Shepard, why don't you trust her to know what she's doing regarding where it might all end up?"

The stunned look on the drell's face was momentary but unmistakable. Garrus was proud of himself—he had shaken that sometimes frustrating calm and shocked Thane twice in one day.

He went on, "And three: I know you feel like you have an expiration date, my friend. But no one really knows when his time will come. We could both die in a few months when we hit that Collector base. Or either one of us—even Shepard—could be gone just like that if some merc with a portable surface-to-air missile gets lucky and hits the shuttle on our way to a mission. Or some cure for Kepral's might come along and you could live for another 40 or 50 years."

"I know I'm pushing my luck with you today, but do me a favor," Garrus requested. "Don't let fear limit what you do with the life you have left. Don't do that to yourself. Don't do it to Shepard."

"Are you certain that Shepard…?" Thane seemed unable to finish the question.

Garrus chuckled at the formidable assassin's nervousness. "No one but Shepard could be certain. And even she might not know at this point. Give her time. But do you think I'd be putting us both through this embarrassing conversation just for your happiness?" he smirked.

As if on cue, the elevator door on the far wall opened and Shepard stepped out. When she noticed Thane with Garrus, she seemed surprised, then pleased.

Thane murmured to his sparring partner, "You arranged for her to come down here, did you not?"

"Of course," Garrus whispered in return, unperturbed as Shepard made her way over to the two of them. He was glad to see she was wearing the same shorts that had helped unsettle Thane in the first place.

Thane smiled a welcome at his commander as he stood and offered a polite hand up to the turian. Then he asked, with enough volume for Shepard to hear, "Are you rested enough to spend more time falling down on the mat, 'freaky raptor guy'?" He was rewarded when the first human Spectre smothered a giggle, her eyes dancing.

"Hey, only Shepard gets to call me that!" Garrus complained, loudly. "But, yeah, bring it, Snake Man."

Then he dropped his voice to a very low rumble their human friend couldn't hear, "And then we'll see how you handle Shepard in those shorts."

After a startled pause, the drell smiled more broadly and then unexpectedly laughed. The sound started small but slowly grew louder. When Garrus joined in, the echoes filled the shuttle bay.

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**This storyline continues in "Mechs and Medicine." **

**As always, I would love your feedback. Thanks for reading!**


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